trumppresidnet Donald Trump dropped out of the presidential race today, shocking political observers and leaving the Republican Party without a presumptive nominee just weeks before its national convention.

At a press conference at Trump Tower in New York this morning the billionaire real estate mogul explained his candidacy had been a joke from the start and chastised Americans for ever supporting his candidacy.... Read More →

 

trump_muslim_sacrificeDonald Trump claimed today that he his toenails were the best ever in the history of the human race.

At a rally in Kansas City tonight the billionaire presidential candidate took 5 minutes from his standard stump speech for an extended dialogue on the topic... Read More →

 

Screen Shot 2016-03-04 at 10.32.54Has Donald Trump finally gone too far?

That's the question political pundits are asking after the billionaire presidential candidate slaughtered a Muslim child on-stage during a rally in Fort Lauderdale today.... Read More →

 

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Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump is in critical condition tonight after choking on his own bullshit during a speech in Texas.

The billionaire real-estate developer was giving a speech in front of 20,000 supporters at the William T. Anderson memorial coliseum ahead of the state’s primary on Super Tuesday. ... Read More →

 

ThinkstockPhotos-504852952 (1) President Obama has wasted no time finding a replacement for conservative Supreme Court justice Antonin Scalia, who passed away yesterday.

At a press conference this morning at the White House, he officially announced his intention to nominate Dr. Jacob Jones - a prominent abortion doctor - to the post.... Read More →

 

Sarah Palin has reportedly been stuck for several hours after licking a frozen flagpole outside a rally in Des Moines, Iowa this morning.

According to witnesses on the scene, the former Alaska governor traced the pole with her tongue “to see what would happen”. Her tongue quickly froze to the metal, and has been cemented ever since. ... Read More →

 

bet-logo-pink-transparentbackgroundJust one day after Spanish-language television network acquired a controlling stake in The Onion for $200 million, another satirical website mega-deal has been announced.

Following weeks of hard-fought negotiations, Black Entertainment Television (BET) has reportedly agreed to purchase a 70% stake in The Daily Currant for $300.... Read More →

 

A man who miraculously woke up from a 27-year coma last week has committed suicide after learning that real estate billionaire Donald Trump leads the 2016 presidential race.

Nicholas Vedder, 56, had been in a coma since 1988 following an automobile accident in his hometown of Albany, NY. ... Read More →

 

150616121401-donald-trump-cnn-full-169Donald Trump promised voters in Iowa this morning that if nominated he will serve the flesh of Muslims as appetizers during the Republican national convention.

In a speech at Northeastern Iowa State University, the real-estate mogul once again pushed the boundaries of political discourse with his outrageous plan - which he says will help combat terrorism.... Read More →

 

softballstrightA college softball player from the University of Texas shocked the sports world today by coming out as a heterosexual.

In an emotional press conference this morning, Jennifer Ryan, 23, announced that she was a “proud member” of the opposite-sex community. The senior shortstop is believed to be the first and only openly straight women’s softball player in the history of NCAA athletics.... Read More →

 

A new study released today shows that global climate change may melt American pop icon Cher within five years.

According to the analysis, published in the prestigious journal Nature, higher temperatures near Cher’s home in Southern California will likely melt materials used in her numerous plastic surgeries, turning her into what scientists describe as a “puddle”. ... Read More →

 

netanyahu-dinosaursIsraeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu claimed today that Palestinians were responsible for the extinction of the dinosaurs.

In an interview with CNN’s Anderson Cooper this morning, the hardline conservative leader was asked to defend his recent comments, in which he claimed Palestinians were responsible for the Holocaust.... Read More →