Politics

 

f_dc_trump_zing_150616Presidential candidate Donald Trump announced in a press conference today, that after much thought and careful consideration, he can finally think of one woman who is not, “ a disgusting animal.”

Trump admitted that this discovery took him a while, but as a candidate he realizes that “women are people too apparently.” Determined to get more female supporters, Trump held an intense focus groups at the Trump Plaza where after days of tests and research, he finally was able to discover one female that does not disgust him.... Read More →

 

f_dc_trump_zing_150616President Donald Trump launched an airstrike this morning against a New Jersey man who insulted him on Twitter.

According to local reports, fighter jets from the 169th airborne destroyed the home of Morristown resident Matt Jones with surface-to-air missiles sometime shortly before dawn.... Read More →

 

God has denied ever speaking to Ted Cruz, just a day after the Republican presidential hopeful claimed he communicates with him daily.

Cruz made the boast last night, at the first Republican debate of the 2016 presidential cycle, moderated by Fox News in Cleveland.... Read More →

 

Planned Parenthood has defended its decision to sell aborted fetuses to fast-food giant Kentucky Fried Chicken, arguing that simply disposing of the bodies would be a “waste of protein”.

The United States Senate failed to defund Planned Parenthood this week, after a highly edited tape showed a potential client trying to purchase stem cells from aborted fetuses through their nationwide clinics.  ... Read More →

 

hulk-hogan-primaryHulk Hogan may have lost his job at the WWE, but a new poll shows the former wrestler may have a future career in politics.

Hogan, whose real name is Terry Bollea, was caught on tape this week using racial slurs and admitting that he is racist against African-Americans.... Read More →

 

greece party bailout beachGreece celebrated securing billions in new bailout funds yesterday by throwing an enormous $142 million public beach party outside Athens.

According to local reports an estimated 430,000 people attended the massive all-day event, which the Greek government organized to "relieve national stress" caused by protracted bailout negotiations with the EU and IMF.
... Read More →

 

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Photo: Thinkstock

The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia announced today that it is leaning toward finally allowing its female population to use forks.

The highly anticipated move comes as the autocratic Islamic regime faces ongoing criticism around the world for its record on women’s rights, which critics say is among the worst in the word.... Read More →

 

DonaldTrumpHairpieceMexicoDonald Trump may be a leading critic of Mexican immigration to the United States, but new documents have revealed that the Republican presidential candidate may in fact be part Mexican.

According to a report in the Mexican newspaper La Grosella, the real estate mogul’s signature hairpiece has been custom-made in a factory outside Santa Nounlugar in the southern Oaxaca province since 1989.... Read More →

 

Confederate Flag Kills  Person at Mall

Photo: Thinkstock

Seven people were killed this morning when a Confederate flag walked into an Alabama shopping mall and started shooting.

According to local reports, the flag entered Cherrywood Mall outside Huntsville armed with two AK-47 assault rifles, a P 228 handgun and several grenades. It immediately proceeded to unload its ordinance on unsuspecting shoppers.... Read More →

 

nugentstealremoteRock legend Ted Nugent has accused President Obama of stealing his remote control.

The “Cat Scratch Fever’’ singer posted a video on Youtube this morning stating that his television has been stuck on ABC Family for the past two weeks, after the remote control to his cable box went missing. Nugent implicates Obama directly in the disappearance.... Read More →

 

maliksyriaThe war-torn nation of Syria has declared a national day of mourning over singer Zayn Malik’s departure from One Direction.

Syrian president Bashar Al-Assad and the leaders of several opposition rebel groups appeared on state television together this morning. They read a joint statement lamenting Malik’s decision as an “unprecedented tragedy”, and urged the Syrian people to remain strong in the face of such horrors.... Read More →

 

Photo: Gage Skidmore

At a town hall meeting in Arlington, Texas today Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz went to extreme measures to court the Evangelical vote.

“I masturbate to the Bible every night,” he told the audience, “That’s how much I love God. And that’s how much I love America. And as an American, I’m not afraid to say it.”... Read More →