Politics

 

bachmanchristmasEarlier this week, soon-to-be former Congresswoman Michele Bachmann made headlines for her run-in with President Barack Obama at a White House Holiday party, where she implored him to “bomb the Iranian nuclear facilities,” to which the President replied, “Well, Michele, not this Christmas, but maybe next year.”

Offended, Bachmann chose to cut right through any government red tape and go directly to the man in the red suit to make all her Christmas wishes come true. The Minnesota Republican accidentally leaked the letter she penned to Santa, when she attached the document to a mass e-vite to her tea party themed congressional retirement party.  In the letter, she asks Santa to drop “a bomb or two” from his sleigh on his way over the Middle East and swears “she was a good girl this year.”... Read More →

 

alabama_legalizes_weed_white_people_guyThe state of Alabama passed a law today legalizing weed for white people.

In a ceremony today at the capitol building in Montgomery, Gov. Robert Bentley signed the Responsible Marijuana Access Act (RMAA). The law would legalize the recreational use of marijuana for white people, while continuing to criminalize its use for blacks. ... Read More →

 

coulteramtrackmasturbationConservative commentator Ann Coulter was caught masturbating to the Senate’s CIA Torture Report in an Amtrak bathroom as she traveled from Washington D.C. to New York City via the Silver Service line on Sunday.

Amy Walker, the Amtrak employee who discovered Coulter, thought the restroom was vacant. When she opened the door, she witnessed Coulter with her legs spread apart and the political pundit playing with her private parts. Coulter, unphased, then told Walker, “Do you mind?” which is when Walker shut the door and patiently waited outside the washroom.... Read More →

 

CIA_Director_John_O._BrennanFollowing recent revelations that the CIA brutally interrogated innocent people, violated laws, mismanaged the program, wasted millions of dollars, failed to get accurate information, and deliberately lied about it, the intelligence agency has pledged to be more transparent about potential torture programs in the future.

In an appearance before the Senate intelligence committee this morning, CIA Director John Brennan outlined his plan to restore Americans’ confidence in state-sanctioned torture, should the government ever need it again when fighting terrorism.... Read More →

 

458116017 A council of Native American leaders has offered partial amnesty to the estimated 220 million illegal white immigrants living in the United States.

At a meeting of the Native Peoples Council (NPC) in Albuquerque, New Mexico yesterday, Native American leaders considered several proposals on the future of this continent's large, unauthorized European population. The elders ultimately decided to extend a pathway to citizenship for those without criminal backgrounds.... Read More →

 

palinhannitySarah Palin claimed today that the government should force Mexican immigrants to convert to Christianity.

In an interview with Fox News last night, the former Alaskan governor was asked about whether or not America should welcome the estimated 5 million illegal immigrants who will be legalized under President Obama’s immigration plan.... Read More →

 

dunkindonutscopsProtestors in New York City burned down a Dunkin' Donuts store last night in retaliation for the death of Eric Garner and other victims of police brutality.

According to local reports, several youths used Molotov cocktails to set fire to a branch of the venerable donut and coffee chain in Manhattan, believing its destruction would "punish" the police force. No one was injured in the blaze and four arrests were made.... Read More →

 

109913289The Colorado Department of Corrections is now allowing inmates to grow and consume recreational marijuana, in accordance with state law for the rest of the population.

Prison Warden Tom Norton told the Rocky Mountain News, “We’ve already seen a decrease in violent crime within the jails. Snack food contraband is up 300 percent but that’s to be expected. We will continue to monitor the marijuana program but so far so good.”... Read More →

 

burnhouseownfergusonA protester in Ferguson, Missouri accidentally burned down his own house last night after mistaking the building for a convenience store.

According to a report in the Ferguson Post-Gazette, 32-year-old Tyler Jackson threw a Molotov cocktail into a window not realizing he was setting ablaze his own residence. The home, which was empty at the time, subsequently burned to the ground.... Read More →

 

palin1000fergusonSarah Palin confused the city of Ferguson, Missouri with police officer Darren Wilson tonight on national television.

In an interview on Fox News, the former Alaska governor said she was happy that “Mr. Ferguson” was not indicted in the shooting of 18-year-old Michael Brown.... Read More →

 

SarahPalinOceanSarah Palin said today that illegal immigrants from Mexico should be put on boats and sent back across the ocean to their home country.

In an interview with Fox News tonight, the former Alaskan governor was asked about President Obama’s new plan to partially legalize some of the estimated 11 million illegal immigrants in America. Palin dismissed the president's idea as “amnesty” and offered an  unconventional solution of her own.... Read More →

 

Climate Change And Global Pollution To Be Discussed At Copenhagen SummitThe state of North Dakota has named a new publicly-owned landfill after President Barack Obama.

In an overwhelming 35-10 vote, the state Senate advanced a bill naming a 650-acre site currently under construction after the nation’s 44th president. Governor Jack Dalrymple is expected to sign the measure into law Tuesday.... Read More →